You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
