there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
