I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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