i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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