Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
