I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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