Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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