When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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