His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
