I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the day after is always just damage control
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
