32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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