idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
