I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
