Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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