Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
