Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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