Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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