So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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