Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
