I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just pee around me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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