come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
