Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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