i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
