it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
