My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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