Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
