told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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