Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We're too hungover to prance.
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