i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize