so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
