I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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