babies were throwing up all over the place
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
