he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
