Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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