Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
