That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
