You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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