Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
