i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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