Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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