I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
