walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
