you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
