And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
