he wants to bone in the snuggie
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
