I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
