I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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