they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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