My entire life is one complicated drinking game
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
