My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
