so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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