he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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