the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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