There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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