I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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