I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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