this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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