Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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