i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
3 2 1 whiskey
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
